DVD idea: Manufacture DVDs enclosed like floppy discs. It would make handling them easier, would keep them cleaner and more protected, and DVD players wouldn’t need a fragile moving tray; just a slot.
Murder idea: Spree killers ought to be called parallel killers, as opposed to serial killers.
Burger idea: Hamburgun (gun that shoots hamburgers).
Launderette idea: Launderette that also has showers. And if you want, you can get a disposable paper gown and slippers to wear while your clothes get washed. Could be good for homeless people who have only the one set of clothes and thus have no easy to way to get them washed.
Crisps idea: Like Pom-Bear but shaped like ghosts, called Wispy Crispy.
Fish idea: Breed yellow betta fish, and call them butta fish.
Quiz idea: Can you match the photos of people with their fursonas?
T-shirt company idea: gaming-related tee company called Mana-Tees. The logo is a cute cartoon manatee holding a glass flask of blue liquid (a mana potion).
Bum idea: Botox, but for your bum, called Butox.
Train idea: Instead of having a Quiet Carriage on trains, all carriages should be quiet by default and the noisy fuckers can go sit in the Blabber-Jabber Carriage.
Vampire idea: You can send vampires through the post.
1. Expose vampire to sunshine
2. Vampire turns to dust
3. Sweep up dust, put in envelope, put in the post
4. Recipient tips out vampire dust onto the floor and applies a drop of blood to resurrect the vampire
You would have to trust the recipient and it would take a few days, but vampires could save hundreds of pounds on international travel this way.
Zoo idea: Let zoo visitors feed tigers, wolves etc by charging them to have a go on a t-shirt gun that fires chicken carcasses or something into the enclosure.
How to Train Your Dragon idea: The How to Train Your Dragon franchise but with giant moths instead of dragons.
Pingu idea: A Pingu MMO in which you’d make a cool penguin (or maybe a seal like Robbie) and just run/roll/squash/stretch around going NOOT NOOT and throwing snowballs at other players. It would be a bit like The Endless Forest but with an elastic penguin instead of a freaky human-faced deer.
Bun idea: Hot cross buns with rings instead of crosses, so you can play Noughts & Crosses with delicious results.
Guff idea: If an MC/singer at a concert says ‘make some noise!!’, instead of cheering, everybody guff.
Pet idea: Put your small pet in a doll’s house and take some photos of what looks like a normal house occupied by a giant roach/tarantula/hamster/kitten.
Pig idea: Release 3 pigs in a school, labelled 1, 2, and 5000. Watch chaos ensue as everyone tries to find the missing 4997 pigs.
Stealth ops-themed Christmas tree farm idea: You go in and attempt to cut down and take away a tree without being detected by the staff. If you do, it’s free. Otherwise you have to pay for the tree. (Technically normal Christmas tree farms work this way, but with this they wouldn’t call the cops if they caught you. It’s just for fun.)
Banana idea: Make a tiny super sculpey banana and take ‘banana for scale’ pics with it so the other items in the photo appear to be giant.
App idea: Plays a faint Judas Priest song whenever you take a phone call, so the caller thinks they interrupted you at a Judas Priest concert.
Fancy dress party idea: Paint your bum yellow and pack your rectum full of Skittles. When someone asks what you are, drop your trousers, fart out the Skittles, and say ‘Pacman vomiting’.
Biscuits idea: Prevent people from stealing your bourbons by separating the biscuits, scraping out the icing, and replacing it with poo.
Cake idea: Save money on caterpillar cakes for children’s birthdays by buying them a plain roulade and telling them it pupated.
Penis idea: A naked mole rat can be used as an emergency penis. (If your skin isn’t pink, you might wish to colour the mole rat in with a pen.)
Clown idea: A meat clown who makes ‘balloon’ animals out of sausage links.
Cinema idea: Cinemas should sell film merchandise in the foyer. You can buy merch when you go to concerts and musicals, after all. Maybe if cinemas did that they could drop the price on the popcorn.
Moon idea: NASA or whoever returns to the Moon with VR-recording cameras. Once the data’s been processed, we can go for little walks on the Moon in VR. (You’d probably need to play on a trampoline to get the feel of low-grav jumping, though.)
VR idea: VR headset with several little cameras mounted on the outside, to show you how the world looks from the point of view of various other animals. Powerful zoom plus UV detection = hawk. Wide angle = cow. CGI snoot plus protanopia = doggo. And so on.
Ice cream idea: Stop people stealing your ice cream by labelling the vanilla ‘wee’, the chocolate ‘poo’ and the strawberry ‘period’.
Business idea: Big room lined with mirrors. Entry £7. Aimed at people who pay that much to go to cinema then just talk over the entire film.
Album idea: A circular album in which the outro of the last track segues into the intro of the first track.
Cat idea: Get a cat and name it ‘My Husband’, so anything you say about the cat sounds dead funny.
‘Urgh, My Husband wiped his bum on the rug.’
‘My Husband likes it when I pick him up and throw him at the curtains.’
‘My Husband likes sitting in boxes and eating moths.’
Videogame difficulty idea: Instead of having easy mode, normal mode, hard mode, etc., turn all the variables into sliders so players can fine-tune the difficulty as they like it.